Why do I fear stepping into the limelight and releasing my writing, my words, my voice into the world? I’ve delayed the launch of my novel ‘The Alien Eve’ from October last year and every step of the way I’m fighting with myself to just do it. Filled my time with studies, doing Nanowrimo for my fourth novel and getting a short story and poetry ready for another anthology but that’s no excuse.
I know it’s a good novel. Every time I’m proofing it, I find myself re-entering the world I’ve created and I’m once again there standing beside my characters, feeling their anguish, fears, joys, worrying for them. Until I catch myself and remember that I was supposed to be checking the novel, not reading it.
But it’s done. Complete. Edited. Proofed. Beta read. Proofed a few more times.
And still I fear its release.
Tonight, I going with a friend to see about a launch venue in one of the local pubs. I’m hoping to get a young female singer, perhaps two, to perform after the launch itself. There’ll be tapas and desserts so people can eat and drink and relax and enjoy themselves. A couple of speeches and a short (really short, one page max) reading. I know the attention span of launch attendees is tiny (Well, mine usually is, why inflict a long reading on everyone?)
And then I’ll look back on my fear the day after and say to myself,
‘Well, that wasn’t so bad, was it?’
So I finished NaNoWriMo on 27th November. Yay! Happy days.
I got an email from the NaNo team about what to do after the 30 days. I’m glad I got it because I was starting to think I would never go back and write again. They seemed to know that I needed a push.
So now to find the motivation to finish this novel.
A friend said ‘Don’t worry. You’re entitled to a break.’
But I know my form. Give me a break and it progresses rapidly from days to weeks and then the doubt sets in that I can start again. What is it? Oh yeah, that doubt that I can write properly or even build a story up.
So I gather myself today, now that I am admitting these things and book time in my diary for the next three days to begin again. Just three days, I say to myself, that’s not much. I can do that. Even, say, an hour a day. I can do that.
Actually, now that I’ve done that, I’m looking forward to it. I really like this story and there’s so much more that’s going to happen to those characters. Mwhaha…
Free write for 5 minutes.
You know what to do. Pick up a pen and a writing pad. Set a timer if you have to.
The sky. The room. Thoughts.
Do it now. Write something. Before you read another blog.
P.S. That’s the reason that this first post is very short.
P.P.S. Read this post tomorrow. Do what it says. Buy a dedicated notebook if you have to. But today you will write on whatever you can, paperwise.